Uhmm… I always start my blog posts usually with what I am currently doing or feeling. So I will keep that I guess, unless I could think of something very creative to start off my very first paragraph. I doubt that though.
Right now, it is raining outside. Well, it’s probably just drizzling but it’s been on for a few hours now. I am very cold, plus I have a runny nose. I also feel like I want to just lie in bed all day tomorrow. Of course, in my dreams I could. I need to refrain myself from doing so because I should be a responsible daughter and citizen. I should go finish my school tasks and not laze around nor procrastinate. However, considering the weather and my lack of motivation, I don’t think I could pull that off well over the weekend. I am obliged to pass two ‘projects’ next week and I need to study, since the Preliminary Examinations are coming up as well. Typical student problems.
Anyway, so I think I’d like to share what happened to me earlier today. So we had this class wherein the professor is teaching us on how to develop our personalities and proper grooming at that. Now, we were kinda thought how to put on makeup since we were at the ‘proper grooming discussion. We were required to fix ourselves up (which I am not accustomed to) and show up in our corporate attire. I never fix myself up whenever I go out. I seldom wear fashionable clothes as well; I just feel weird doing that okay? I don’t think it is necessary. I am trying to radiate the, ‘what you see is what you get’ aura. I am kidding. I guess I am acting this way because I am the only girl among the siblings (I have two brothers). I grew up loving animé and playing video games. I did have Barbie dolls here and there and people sent me those pre-teen makeup sets but, the girliness was just not strong enough to overcome my inner manliness…? Okay don’t assume just yet, I am still a girl. A boyish girl, it is different from a lesbian. I still prefer the opposite sex but I don’t go for skirts and all that. In short I grew up not liking to fix myself or make myself look pretty or dress myself up in girly clothes. I guess that explains why I don’t have a boyfriend yet? Haha.
Although now that I am getting older… older… older… like needs-to-be-responsible-enough-older, I am dreaming of becoming fashionable, sporting those pastel colors and those puffy skirts and cocktail dresses with those cute pair of high heeled shoes. However, I am not that confident to even try. Plus I wear glasses and I could not afford contact lenses for now because having my very own costs more than the ordinary ones. I don’t know but I usually get the notion from other people that having glasses and wearing girly clothes don’t match at all. There was this one time we were having our P.E. class. I had this classmate come up to me and said that she overheard these two guys talking about me that they think I was pretty, but too bad I was wearing glasses. I don’t know if I should take that as a compliment actually. What the hell is wrong if I am wearing specs? Does it give off a nerdy aura? Does it hinder the ‘beauty’? What did they mean by that? People also tell me I look different without my eye glasses. I don’t know if I should feel bad about that too. It could mean something positive or it could mean something negative. Ugh. People. I have to stop there before I could completely forget what I am really talking about. So I still do want to try on those girly clothes on but I don’t know how to carry it well. I think my hiding masculinity would show through and ruin the outfit.
About makeup… I have no idea how to put makeup on. I only learned about those bronzers, primers, moisturizers and all the rest recently. Except for BB cream though. I don’t know how to properly apply those things on my face and the right strokes and techniques. It is driving me crazy! Heck I can’t even put on a straight line with eyeliner. I was forced to somehow do all those procedures on my own for ‘proper grooming’. I needed to survive so I had to pretend I know how to beautify myself and add color to my very oh so pale skin. It was kinda successful but my professor said I still needed more. I just don’t apply too much because I think I will look like a clown… and I could possibly look like a clown. Since I have fair skin heavy application could lead to a miserable outcome. I see no advantages here. Haha! When she was checking me though I had to take off my glasses so she could see my makeup well. She said I really looked different with makeup this time. I don’t know what I should feel about that. I know she didn't mean it in a bad way but still, I am so unsure of how to take that in, as a compliment or something else… Oh my life.
I do hope someday, someday I could fulfill my goal of becoming girly at least; knowing how to dress myself appropriately and how to fix myself properly. I’ll be really happy if I could and show those people that I can look decent.
Uh so I can’t think of anything else to talk about… so good bye for now!
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