Busy Bee

I am tired. Just tired. These past four days (Dec. 26-29) I was pretty busy. Pretty busy dancing here and there.

So, I can’t quite remember if I mentioned that I do cover Kpop dances and I am part of a cover group. I am too lazy to scroll down my old blog posts. Haha! Anyway, so my original cover group is called Mackerz. Yes, it is a pretty weird and funny name for a cover group. I’ll explain it maybe some other time? When I feel like it. Now I was asked by someone if I could be part of an Afterschool cover group. I agreed, of course with the permission of my friends (Mackerz). I always wanted to cover AS dances.

I’ll fast forward everything and start off with December 26. It was the day before the competition of the AS group I was in. We had not much time to practice and crammed most of our routine that time. So we practiced for five hours and then I also subbed for an SNSD group (most of my AS group mates were also in that group). I had to learn other dance routines and it was crazy but I was able to manage.  Subsequently I had a difficult time going home because it was rush hour and I was commuting. Almost all the jeepneys were full. It took me an hour before deciding to ride the train. I dropped off just one station away were I was from. It was kinda waste of my money but I needed and wanted to go home. It took me fifteen long minutes before I was able to find an almost full vehicle. I grabbed the opportunity and hopped in. I got home like late in the night. I think I was more exhausted trying to get home than practicing, now that I think about it.

December 27 came. I wasn’t sure if I actually felt nervous or what. I can’t remember. Anyhow I came to the event in the afternoon since I vowed to myself I shall not spend money eating there at the place. I needed to save every penny I had left. So I ate lunch at home. Moving on, we performed at around 5:00PM. That was when the nervousness came. I believed I wasn’t prepared but I had to dance in front of the judges like I have been practicing our routine for weeks. Gladly I was satisfied with my performance in general but I think I could have done better.

I went home early because again I did not wish to eat there. I rather eat at home where it is for free. Haha! Also, I was not expecting for us to win at all considering that we only practiced the performance for a day.

At home I ate and then watched Yoochun’s drama “Missing You”. They actually delayed an episode if I am correct. I was watching the 14^th episode that night but it should have been the 15^th if it wasn’t for the holiday break. I was like spazzing and preventing myself to shed tears. Anyway enough about the drama, (I’ll save my rants and thoughts about this drama for another blog post) later that night I received good news that we won the ‘Female Group Category’ which was a total surprise! I mean, I don’t know how that happened but I was thankful anyway. The next day we had another practice. I don’t want to push through anymore since I felt so bushed already… but I choose to do it so I needed to stick to my decision.

December 28. I went to our rehearsal and struggled a lot. I wasn’t that familiar to “The Boys” of SNSD. I always get my steps wrong and I was always unsure of what I was doing. I really got disappointed in myself. I wished I came more prepared but I just wasn’t.  On the bright side it was easier to go home compared to last time. Then I watched the next episode of ‘Missing You’ trying to hold my emotions in. It was a very heart wrenching episode okay. I slept like 12 midnight even if I know I needed to wake up early the next day.  

December 29. I think I was more anxious that day than I was last two days ago. It was my first time to cover SNSD seriously. What I mean by ‘seriously’ is that I’d be dancing to their songs a lot longer on stage. So I was covering Seohyun that time. I was freakin’ nervous… like crazy because I really ain’t prepared for this. As a result, I miserably failed on stage. I forgot a lot of the steps, got lost on stage.... I messed up period! Oh I was more disappointed afterwards. I wish I could rewind everything and start all over. Huhu. On the lighter note, the event was fun. I was just not such a fan of big crowds though. I had eye candies around the event just to make myself feel better. I won’t tell who of course! Haha! Who knows they might be reading this. (I wish! XD) I can’t classify them in the ‘crushes category’ because I don’t see them often (unlike my school crush) plus I only look for them when Kpop events come! So I guess they would stay as eye candies? Blah, I am not sure. My friends were also there to join me that time so I was more comfortable. We had laughs and we caught up with each other at least. Although I was sad because I had no money to buy fulfilling food!!! I did not want to spend too much.

We ate breakfast at KFC but when lunch came I only ate a stick of somewhat dry and cold BBQ. I did not buy that, my friend just gave it to me. Thank you for that! I also consumed half a cheesecake with my other friend. Then afterwards I drank milk tea. My stomach got temporarily full at least. That is the result of having no money or not wanting to spend too much. Haha!

These past four days were really crazy! I don’t think I would dare do that again! I don’t think I could anymore. I am happy I survived though! Until next time!

Here is my performance in my Afterschool cover group (I am the one who did the Kahi tap dance):

A Cold Sore Before the "End"

(My title doesn't make sense at all. Haha!)

            It is about quarter to eleven in the evening and I am still awake and hungry. Tomorrow is also the last day of classes before the official start of our Christmas break. So right now I am not sure what I am feeling. I don’t want to rant about my grumbling tummy nor share my excitement about the upcoming holidays. 

                Anyhow, I am still up this late because we have this video project that needs to be passed tomorrow afternoon. The footage is pretty long so it is actually taking a lot more time rendering than me editing. I know I presented myself to do such a task so I really don’t feel so burdened about it however my drowsiness as of the moment is telling me to sleep on it instead. That’s why I am writing another blog just to keep me at least half awake.

                I’d be honest… After finishing the last paragraph above I fell asleep waiting for the video to finish processing. I couldn't continue since I needed to go to school. So I am writing this not on the same day. 

                Moving on… Earlier this week I got one of my worst nightmares, having a cold sore on my upper lip. It is like a ‘tradition’ for me to get it at least twice a year. I had one last April as well. My mom said it was because I lack Vitamin C, if I am not mistaken. It is true I always forget to drink the needed supplements every day and I don’t get to eat fruits with Vitamin C that much either, so I kinda agree. I am not so proud of it though. Besides the slight sting and the minor swelling it also looks kinda gross from up close. Although now, it is not that noticeable unless you really stare at my face for how many minutes long and besides it’s halfway healed. Why am I ranting about this… well, I just want to.

                Having one is just frustrating okay? It is like I never ever got away with it. EVER. I guess I should really look out for my health in order to prevent it. It is not easy having a cold sore or "mini" wound. I can’t eat comfortably because if I stretch out my lips too much I get that feeling that it might bleed. When random people see it they would wonder why and assume. It throbs a little even if you don’t touch it at all.

                Subsequently I shall talk about other things rather than my cold sore which I am sure no one is really interested in. 

So people are buzzing about the “End of the World” thing which is said to happen today December 21, 2012 (this was uploaded the day after I actually forgot to post this XD). My friend asked me what I would have done if it did occur. My answer was straight. “I’ll tell (insert name of my crush here) I like him.” Why did I think of that first? First reason, it’s because I would have been probably in school that moment in time and better if I tell him the truth since I’ll die there anyway.  Yes, he goes to the same college as I do. Next, I guess I said that not really thinking much. Last reason, I truly don’t have the courage and a brave soul to do so, but because of the “possible yet impossible” prediction, it might push me to spill my feelings towards him. I don’t know this guy at all. We have no mutual friends. He was just some person I saw along the hallway last 2 years ago. Up to now I haven’t made any move. I just steal glimpses at him when he passes by or indirectly smile at him, whenever he’s around.  

                I must be crazy having a crush since the second semester of my first year in a university and did not do anything (or probably some people could relate?). Although I am not that desperate to have a romantic relationship with the opposite sex right now so I guess that’s why I stay glued at my seat and simply observed them (my crushes) from a far. I dream of having one but it is not my top priority or then again maybe I am just stubborn. Well I can’t figure out the real reason so for now I’ll let it be.  

                  He’ll be one of those motivations I need for me to attend school whenever I don’t wish to. He would also be someone I will look forward to see almost every day of the week.

                Enough about that though… and I guess I’ll end it here. I won’t be sharing anything else and save that for another post. I really have a lot in mind but I can’t seem to find time to put it all into words and create a blog post out of it. Until next time… Au revoir!

Roller coaster

It has been long since I have written a blog post and I am dying to let my feelings out as well as my thoughts. A crazy emotional roller coaster ride. That is how I could describe the past few weeks that went by. I never felt so many strong emotions, both positive and negative, all in a short span of time. I am not such an outspoken person so I keep things to myself and it seriously ain’t helping. I don’t know if it just me or people are just being difficult when there is actually a way to make things easier. I think I am about to explode sooner or later.

As of now… I am just longing to see my closest friends and tell them all my resentments and rants. However I just have to suck it up and carry on with my life.

Now more on my ‘crazy emotional roller coaster ride’… I am not quite sure why but at present it seems to me like almost everyone around me are emotionally unstable at the moment. Again maybe it is just me who thinks so. It is really driving me nuts, like seriously. I am not sure how to get along with them. I also don’t know how to react properly at some situations anymore. I think too much. I complicate things when it shouldn't be. I feel so weak right now. I am so lost and I don’t even know the reason. I am bothered by little things and care too greatly on what other people think of me. I don’t want anyone hating on me, but the hell you truly can’t please everybody. I kept on reiterating that to myself but it is not working. People abuse my kindness. I let them get away with it. People are too insensitive and blind to deal with existing issues. I let them go on being like that anyway. Ugh. I am totally clueless as what I should really do right now.  I can’t even express myself so profoundly.  Just to sum things up my ‘camaraderie’ is hiding from me. I seem to get ticked off so fast now. I seem to get so paranoid about things so easily. I am wishing that all of these would be over soon. I need a break. A break from everything.

I don’t know if I am actually making sense with this post. If not, then it just goes to show how confused I am. Anyway, I’ll find something more interesting and light to talk about when I find the time. I guess I’ll see you guys another time.